In Rememberance of My Late Father
Havent been blogging for a good 3months now...
Wat can I say? Hmm...its been a trying 3mths for me, have been wanting to blog but too tied up at home with Josiah to do so and dun wanna use my work time to do much of my personal stuff...not ethical mah...so finally, now is the time! tsk tsk...
Well, as I reflect, I guessed wat I'd wanna pen down here will be the memories of my late earthly father. Didnt getta see his last cos the minute I stepped into the Assisi Home and Hospice, he breathed his last. Some would say that he could sense my presence but in me will be one regret in life that I wasnt by his side when he left this world. It was very painful for me...(cant continue now)...
Memories of him
Being a gambler, smoker and alcoholic, he didnt contribute much to the family to be honest, and even chose to leave the family while I was in sch over another woman, leaving my mum to toil and struggle during those period of time where she had to undergo 2 major ops by herself (without her husband's support).
Even I had to bring him back from my grandma's place cos of some cooked-up story that he had told her such that I received a good scolding for not taking care of my own father. There was such great hatred and bitterness in me towards my father then ( I was about 18 or so if I'm not wrong).
But God did not let me wallow in such bitterness. After the episode, whenever it came to watchnight service where it was a time of reflection and such, I would cry hours before Him when I shared with Him my hatred cos that's one of the main hinderances that hindered my relationship with God . For a good 3 years, God has allowed healing to take place in my heart, bit by bit...and eventually, the hatred diminished. It was more of a neutral feeling I have towards my late father than hatred. It's really amazing how God can do that to my life, really.
So over the years, I've been the "middle-woman" between my late father and the rest of my family members. It hasnt been easy but I know for sure, God didnt put me into this family for no reason. Many out there share similar experiences as me and I was able to relate and empathise. When I was able to share how God has transformed my life thru all these experiences, I felt blessed that His promise that " He will never leave me or forsake me" is ever so true. His love and strength have sustained and carry me thru all these while.
Well, even in my late father's last days, I'm glad that I remained faithful and filial ("Honor thy parents," saith the Lord) to him. My prayer now is that during those times when he was prayed for daily by Sis Christine in the hospice, he's met with the Lord along the way and found eternal home for himself, a place where there's fullness of love, joy and peace. No matter what he's done in the past, I still love him, cos he's been given to me by God, to be my earthly father...
Wat can I say? Hmm...its been a trying 3mths for me, have been wanting to blog but too tied up at home with Josiah to do so and dun wanna use my work time to do much of my personal stuff...not ethical mah...so finally, now is the time! tsk tsk...
Well, as I reflect, I guessed wat I'd wanna pen down here will be the memories of my late earthly father. Didnt getta see his last cos the minute I stepped into the Assisi Home and Hospice, he breathed his last. Some would say that he could sense my presence but in me will be one regret in life that I wasnt by his side when he left this world. It was very painful for me...(cant continue now)...
Memories of him
Being a gambler, smoker and alcoholic, he didnt contribute much to the family to be honest, and even chose to leave the family while I was in sch over another woman, leaving my mum to toil and struggle during those period of time where she had to undergo 2 major ops by herself (without her husband's support).
Even I had to bring him back from my grandma's place cos of some cooked-up story that he had told her such that I received a good scolding for not taking care of my own father. There was such great hatred and bitterness in me towards my father then ( I was about 18 or so if I'm not wrong).
But God did not let me wallow in such bitterness. After the episode, whenever it came to watchnight service where it was a time of reflection and such, I would cry hours before Him when I shared with Him my hatred cos that's one of the main hinderances that hindered my relationship with God . For a good 3 years, God has allowed healing to take place in my heart, bit by bit...and eventually, the hatred diminished. It was more of a neutral feeling I have towards my late father than hatred. It's really amazing how God can do that to my life, really.
So over the years, I've been the "middle-woman" between my late father and the rest of my family members. It hasnt been easy but I know for sure, God didnt put me into this family for no reason. Many out there share similar experiences as me and I was able to relate and empathise. When I was able to share how God has transformed my life thru all these experiences, I felt blessed that His promise that " He will never leave me or forsake me" is ever so true. His love and strength have sustained and carry me thru all these while.
Well, even in my late father's last days, I'm glad that I remained faithful and filial ("Honor thy parents," saith the Lord) to him. My prayer now is that during those times when he was prayed for daily by Sis Christine in the hospice, he's met with the Lord along the way and found eternal home for himself, a place where there's fullness of love, joy and peace. No matter what he's done in the past, I still love him, cos he's been given to me by God, to be my earthly father...
posted by Joanna | 12:38 AM
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